My first attempt at meditation didn’t go well. I was in the midst of one of my first experiences with autistic burnout, and my anxiety had skyrocketed. Not yet diagnosed with anything, I had gone to a psychologist for help and was told it was “just anxiety” and I should try meditating.
So there I was, sitting on the floor in a small crowded room on my college campus. I felt claustrophobic, distracted and uncomfortable, as the instructor explained the practice and I tried to find a position that didn’t aggravate the chronic pain in my body. And then the meditation part started, and the claustrophobia intensified. Now I felt trapped, not only in the small crowded room, but also in my own mind. The constant inner monologue of anxious and depressed thoughts, that I usually suppressed with distraction, suddenly had center stage. I was flooded with anxiety. I had to get out of there. But I felt like I couldn’t just leave and disrupt everyone else's seemingly peaceful moment. I looked around at their placid relaxed faces as I sat there in painful stillness, desperate to move my body, desperate to escape the intense thoughts reminding me of everything that was wrong about me.
This meditation still lives in my mind as one of the most agonizing moments of my life. And then it was over, and I rushed out of the room, never to return again. “Meditation definitely isn’t for me” I thought as I literally ran back to my dorm room, blasting music in my headphones to drown out what I was feeling.
It would be years before I tried meditating again.
But today, I meditate and use other mindfulness based practices regularly - and even teach and coach others in it. In fact, mindfulness has become a resource that has helped me in ways I could never imagine based on that first attempt. It has opened up space for more joy, rest, self-compassion, and resilience. But it was a difficult road to get here, following directions that were designed for neurotypical minds.
What I’ve realized is that I have had extra challenges when it comes to building my mindfulness practice because the standard instructions don’t always fit how my neurodivergent mind works.
In neurotypical mindfulness spaces, neurodivergent needs and differences aren’t usually considered or accommodated, which can leave us in a vulnerable position - especially when just getting started. But at the same time, mindfulness can also be particularly beneficial for neurodivergent people because it trains and strengthens the exact abilities that we struggle with.
If you haven't read my article on the research showing the incredible benefits of mindfulness for neurodivergent minds, you can find it here. But in this piece, I wanted to talk about the challenges. Because engaging in the mindfulness world as a neurodivergent person can sometimes be a difficult task. We can be misunderstood, gaslit by well-intentioned coaches that our persistent challenges are “normal” and disappointed by practices that are designed for neurotypical brains.
Mindfulness Challenges for Neurodivergent People
Part of my mission in writing and coaching is to help other neurodivergent folks avoid the challenges I encountered, as I developed my own mindfulness skills. So I decided to dive into the research to find out more about the specific challenges different forms of neurodivergence report. What I found was that, much like myself, many neurodivergent people report difficulties. Now, the research we have on mindfulness and neurodivergence has limitations, because it is often small scale and lacks things like control groups. Still it provides some insight into the kinds of challenges neurodivergent people run into.
Perhaps the biggest challenge we face with mindfulness is the increased intensity of what’s happening inside our own minds.
Distracting Thoughts
For example, many autistic people have reported serious challenges with distraction and boredom when engaging in traditional mindfulness practices. While these things are normal for neurotypical practitioners as well, it often goes unrecognized how much more of a difficulty this is for autistic folks.
Why? Perhaps partly because we have exceptionally busy minds. One limited small scale study found the brains of autistic boys were 42% more active during rest than neurotypical controls. We can't say that this is the case for all autistic people, but it does line up with many autistic people's experience of feeling overwhelmed by thoughts and sensory information. While everyone has thoughts running through their minds, our minds may generate significantly more content to sort through. This can make getting into a meditative state, or doing tasks like staying focused on your breath, a whole lot harder.
Those with ADHD, may have similar challenges. Research has found we tend to have lower levels of naturally occurring mindfulness, and (like found in those with autism) have higher levels of mind-wandering and rumination. This presents similar challenges with staying focused on meditation or other mindfulness tasks.
Emotional Dysregulation
But it’s not just the rush of thoughts that impact our mindfulness capabilities, it’s also the rush of emotions. Most forms of neurodivergence (including autism, ADHD, anxiety disorders, PTSD, bipolar and many more) have increased rates of anxiety/depression and emotional regulation challenges. And this can lead to serious challenges when we sit down to be alone with our thoughts. This focus on our inner state can initially flood us with unwanted and unexpected emotions, to such an intense level that it may even feel traumatic at times.
For example, some with PTSD report that meditation can reactive trauma or lead to flashbacks.
Studies on those with high anxiety as a trait have found that it can be a big challenge for building mindfulness skills. Importantly, while those who don’t have anxiety as a persistent trait are able to find relaxation and benefit from a single session of meditation, research suggests that those with persistently heightened anxiety don't get these benefits. While we DO see benefits from mindfulness in the long term, the process of building these skills isn’t always a pleasant and relaxed one, at first. It’s a process of building resilience and offering space to these intense emotions.
But for those expecting to sit down in meditation and feel relaxed, they may think it is simply not working for them. Or they may find that the rush of emotions that comes up is too much to handle without help.
In one study on mindfulness and autism, autistic participants shared concerns that mindfulness could even be harmful if not adapted to their specific needs. They expressed particular concern over the ways that mindfulness can trigger anxiety and meltdowns, and that most mindfulness leaders are not prepared to support someone in that state.
Studies on those with bipolar have also found challenges with the emotional aspect of mindfulness. In these studies participants reported issues during mindfulness such as uncontrollable feelings of depression, anxiety, panic or agitation, and mentally re-experiencing traumatic events. These experiences declined over time, but may lead some to quit before they experience the benefits of mindfulness.
Need for Movement
Another challenge that many with neurodivergence have in mindfulness spaces is the need to move. Many forms of mindfulness and meditation ask the participants to sit still for long periods of time. But autistic people and ADHDrs often find being totally still extremely uncomfortable, and may need to engage in repetitive motions (called stimming) to stay emotionally regulated. These movements can sometimes be distracting to others, and neurodivergent participants have been scolded or asked to leave if the leader of the group perceives them to be disrespecting the rules of the practice.
In one study on autism and mindfulness, participants spoke about the importance of including mindful movement in programs geared to autistic individuals. Because staying still and quiet can be a big challenge for autistic folks and can spike anxiety, including movement practices can be essential to creating a safe space to practice.
Movement based mindfulness practices may be ideal for those who naturally stim and move. But allowing for more movement, both in and outside of movement based practices, would create a lot more accessibility for neurodivergent people to practice.
Difficulty with Transitions
Research also suggests that autistic people and ADHDrs may have more difficulties with transitions, and thus need more space to transition in and out of mindfulness practices. Our neurodivergent minds may need longer transition periods between different practices, more time to ask questions about practices, and more information about what will be happening ahead of time. We can also get caught off guard when asked thought provoking prompts or questions, so we need more time to process and understand them before answering them in a group setting.
Since these accommodations may not be part of a traditional mindfulness courses or groups, this can also limit accessibility.
Mindfulness Accommodations for Neurodivergent Minds
Despite the array of challenges neurodivergent people may experience with mindfulness, research suggests it can also be really beneficial. This has been my personal experience as well. While I’ve had to make a lot of adjustments to tailor my practices to the way my mind actually works, few resources have been as helpful to me in the long run as mindfulness. It’s helped me to build more resilience to stress, strengthen my compassion (and self-compassion), and gain greater awareness of my physical and emotional states.
These days my mindfulness practices are something I look forward to. These practices are actually relaxing most days, and even the stressful sessions usually help me to integrate and process the things going on in my life.
Still, a lot of these practices look a lot different than they used to… because I’ve customized them to my needs.
In my next article, I’m going to share how you can make similar accommodations for yourself - so that mindfulness can be less of a challenge, and more of a resource.
Comments